Its Tuesday Talk!!
Which means we are already half way through the month of October.
Which means it’s almost Halloween.
Which means we’re prepping the Turkey and Wrapping the presents ya’ll..
I mean, if you give a mouse a cookie….
Anyway, I am so excited for this monthly link up hosted by Ashley and Erika where we can talk about anything and everything.
Yes, another random blog post is coming at ya!
This month I just wanted to talk a little about marriage. Really a little bit about my marriage/relationship, how we make it work and things we really need to work on.
More importantly, marriage plus Kids plus work plus all the other BS that life throws your way.
Its HARD….
Mike and I have been married now for a little over Eleven years.
I see other couples who have been married for 20, 30, 40 or even 50 plus and think…wow that’s a really long time to love the same person.
We have done life a little differently then many would say is “normal”
Our relationship right out of the gate wasn’t normal.
There is a big age gap between us, and many people for many years didn’t understand it. Our relationship was frowned upon. Looked down upon. Some reasons were valid, some maybe not so much. But there was always SOMETHING there. Something that kept us going.
Fate maybe?
I believe in it.
I guess my point is though, regardless of how complicated or not complicated a relationship is in the beginning, marriage (Or life together forever) is HARD.
Especially when you throw kids and other life events into the mix of it all.
I was asked once by a friend if Mike and I ever argue. They said it just looks like we are always happy and always in love.
The answer. Heck yes we argue. There are many points in our marriage where although we love each other we very much dislike each other. And that is ok. That, believe it or not it totally normal.
We have different backgrounds. Different beliefs. Different signs of affection.
But we have both fought hard and sacrificed so much to make things work.
We haven’t stayed married this long because its easy and we love each other, we’ve stayed married this long because its hard BUT we love each other. We know there is so much to fight for.
Marriage is like a roller coaster. I know this sounds so cliché and the whole roller coaster comparison is probably so overused, but it really is so true. There are moments in a roller coaster where you are terrified for your future, moments where you are laughing so hard and having so much fun, moments where you think you might get sick if you don’t get off asap, moments where you’re unsure of what’s around the corner….Yup, just described marriage to a T….
We had two kids before we were married. (As I said, we did things a little different then many would deem “normal”) We got married in the courthouse with just my mom, his parents, our kiddos and my two best friends. Then we partied our butts off with extended family and friends the next day in my moms back yard complete with big tent, dj, catering, and a dance floor. The best part, my mom lived 3 houses down from us. We walked home. Nothing super fancy. No where near the 10’s of thousands of dollars that weddings can cost ( and totally not knocking those weddings!! I think they are just as amazing as ours was.)
Why do I think we’ve lasted as long as we have? And why do I think we will last forever?
Because we’ve been down many dark roads together. We have seen and experienced some of the hardest things that people can see or experience (in my opinion) we have a past that isn’t as pretty as some may think. We take other peoples opinions of all of that and let it go in one ear and out the other. We don’t sweat the small stuff and we don’t look back. What’s done is done. Been there, done that, Bye Felicia. Because what’s the point?
We apologize when we’re wrong. We forgive. We learn. We grow.
We never go to bed mad (I mean this ones kinda true) We’ll sometimes go to bed mad, but we’ll kiss and say I love you first. ;)….We try our best to talk things out even though both of us are extremely stubborn and will sometimes never budge from our opinion on the situation. We never let the world see our fights. We don’t bad mouth each other on social media or let people know that we are having a disagreement. Some things just shouldn’t be shared. That’s between the two of us. We don’t compare ourselves and our marriage to anyone else. This marriage is OURS and no one else’s. We accept each others flaws while also very discreetly trying to encourage each other to work on those flaws. One of us a little gentler then the other. We work together. Always. There is NEVER one job that is mine and one that is his. We go with the flow of it. Sometimes I load the dishwasher, sometimes he does. Sometimes I am master of the laundry, other times he is. I almost always drop off and pick up the kids from school, but I know that he would do it in a instant if his schedule allowed and I asked him too. He has me read over almost every important email he sends out. I pay all of the bills but discuss it with him always. There is always an open line of communication going. Always. And I think that is the biggest thing in keeping a relationship going strong. Team work and communicating.
Marriage is hard. But so is life and just about everything else that it throws our way.
Things we really need to implement into our lives.
- Date nights!! I am so embarrassed to admit how scarce these are in our relationship. Even when we get the chance to do it we will opt to stay home and do something with the kids (Which we LOVE, but we need that time for us too)
- Less screens and distractions at night time. Have you guys see this article where the illustratos takes the phones out of the pictures? What we all of these life moments look like now. There needs to be a time set where we shut down completely and clear our minds.
- Less complaining/venting. I think in any relationship its easier to vent and complain sometimes then it is to talk positive and happy. I heard a challenge on the radio the other day that I LOVED, where they challenge you to NEVER start a conversation with the bad parts of your day. So often we’ll walk through the door with “ugh you’ll never believe what my coworker said to me today” or “Hey, so happy your home, the kids have been awful.” or “Hey sorry I’m late but traffic sucks and i had the worst day at work”. Think about what happened in the day that was positive and good and start with that. Not saying we can’t vent and complain, because its actually good to get all that off your chest, just don’t lead with it. I catch myself doing that all too often with Mike.
Any who, that’s my take on it. I’m no marriage expert. Learning every single day. Some days are good. Some are bad. Some are great and some are awful. Some days we KNOW we’ve got this in the bag, others we wonder if we’ll survive. That’s just the way it goes.
But if I had to shorten this post and narrow it down to just a few words, I would leave you with this.
Apologize. Forgive. Communicate. Don’t sweat the small stuff. And start each day fresh, forgetting about yesterdays silly disagreements. Because 9 times out of 10 most of the disagreements are silly, and if they aren’t work slowly but together to try to figure it all out one day at a time.
